Nintendo’s Re-Release Of ‘Duck Hunt’ Minus the Gun Is Just the Latest Installment Of the Pussification Of America

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“Want to know what Christmas morning was like back in (not-so) old uncle Jim’s day? Well if you own a Wii U, maybe this year you can. As you wipe the sleep from your eyes on December 25th and run downstairs, you’ll finally be able to take the digital wraps off Duck Hunt — as Nintendo’s just confirmed that’s when it will be available via Virtual Console. Finally you can pop a cap in a few majestic mallards — just like uncle did all those years ago — only with a Wiimote rather than a light gun (at least Nintendo didn’t mention one yet). There’s no word on whether you’ll need to pay up for the privilege yet, either. If you are uncle/aunt Jim/Jane/whatever (like me), then perhaps instead you can show your favourite niece/nephew, exactly how it’s done — you old dog.”

Leave it up to a bunch of nerds and Lady Liberty’s new soft as butter attitude to ruin one of the defining games of every red-blooded American male’s childhood (at least it should have been. If you didn’t get down with the Duck Hunt as a kid, I’d just rather not get down with you). You can’t have the original Duck Hunt without the laser gun. You just can’t. And don’t give me that crap about the old school gun not working on today’s TV’s. NASA is talking about putting men on Mars and my Mom’s car can pretty much park itself, so don’t try to sit here and preach to me that you can’t create a new strap that can get the job done. Hey Nintendo, maybe take a break from whacking it to The Sims and make a laser gun that will actually work on my 60″ flat screen. Don’t think that’s too much to ask.

PS- If you were one of those geeks that had to stand six inches in front of the TV to blast those virtual bastards out of the sky while the rest of us were channeling our inner Chris Kyle, you deserve to be shown the back of a pimp hand. Duck Hunt 101: If you can’t handle the heat, get the hell up out of the kitchen.

About Q-Ball

Owner, operator Queencitybeerleague.com. AKA The Commish. Q-Ball is that asshole at the office who refuses to brew a fresh pot of coffee. Not because he doesn't want to, he's just too embarrassed to admit that he doesn't know how.
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