This Weekend In Drunk Conversation: Could You Tame a Wild Animal?


Original Claim:

I’m like 99% certain that I could tame a wild animal. I’m talking like a large, intellegent mammal ie a lion or tiger or bear. Cheetah was the crux of my argument. Really hitched my wagons to the big cats. Throw out amphibians and reptiles like snakes or alligators and what not. No taming those because they’re stupid and they’re always ornery because they got all them teeth and no tooth brush. But if I could get my hands on a smart, furry critter that I could raise from birth I’m quite confident that thing would be domesticated in no time. Be a father figure to that animal basically. Feed it, clean it, walk it in the park and try to score some babes, you know, normal house animal stuff. If that’s all he knows then theoretically there shouldn’t be any problems. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you, that’s survival instinct 101. In fact, the more I sit here and think about this, the odds just went up to 100%. ABSOLUTELY I could domesticate a wild animal. Put it on my life.

Response From the QCBL Crew:

You’re such an idiot, Q. You have a better chance of scoring some beach front property in Iowa than you do of taming a cheetah. That thing would rip you shreds in your sleep. You do realize it takes hundreds of years to fully domesticate an animal, right? You didn’t even help pay for this pizza, how the fuck can you sit there and expect yourself to take care of a wild animal? Here he goes thinking he can do anything again. Can’t wait til that cheetah rips out your jugular so I can come to your funeral and laugh.



Yea, I do know it takes hundreds of years to domesticate animals. I watch Animal Planet, nimrod. We’re not trying to domesticate an entire species here, just one feline. I’m sticking to my guns on this one.

What do you think? Are you an original Jack Hanna such as myself? Feel free to weigh in and let me know what you think. I won’t be hard to find, I’ll be the guy around town with a new pet cheetah.

About Q-Ball

Owner, operator AKA The Commish. Q-Ball is that asshole at the office who refuses to brew a fresh pot of coffee. Not because he doesn't want to, he's just too embarrassed to admit that he doesn't know how.
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