Johnny Cueto and His Golden Goatee To Make First Start In KC Tonight





Dear Diary,

I hate myself SOOOOOO much right now. I swore up and down I wouldn’t look at bae’s Instagram ever since he skipped town, but here I am creeping away and crying into my box of pizza at the lunch table. Look at that goatee! Is that blonde? Gold? Copper? All I know is he never did that for me when he was here in Cincy. Selfish prick. I hope his arm gets blown ten ways to Saturday and he never throws another pitch in his life. I didn’t mean that. I still love him so much. COME HOME JOHNNY!

PS- Remember when red hair was hot in the streets and chicks used to buy that color in a box and it always turned their hair purple instead of red? I wonder if that’s what happened here? Like I wonder if Johnny was trying to go with the Slim Shady bleach blonde look but that L’Oreal had his goatee the same color as a rusty railroad track. Quite an interesting look, but needless to say I’m a big fan. That’s so Johnny.

Double PS- Hey KC Star, I went ahead and fixed your free giveaway for you. Welcome.


About Q-Ball

Owner, operator AKA The Commish. Q-Ball is that asshole at the office who refuses to brew a fresh pot of coffee. Not because he doesn't want to, he's just too embarrassed to admit that he doesn't know how.
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