Coffee With Q: Hi, My Name Is Q, and I’m An Addict


I guess since this segment is called ‘Coffee With Q,’ it’s only fitting that we actually talk about coffee at some point, no? Well here goes.

When I was younger, I was adamantly against regularly drinking coffee. Not to come across as Brian Cushing or anything, I just thought everyone out there who said they needed their morning coffee fix to function properly was full of shit and just trolling for likes trying to look all cutesy on social media. I knew coffee was big in the real world, but unless Pablo Escobar was lacing that shit with pure Colombian snow how big of a pick me up could a cup of Joe be, right? Well, two years and one full time cube job later, I couldn’t have been more wrong. Takes a big man to admit that, but now I can’t go a full work day without at least 4 cups. 2 in the morning, 2 in the afternoon. I’d imagine this is how a crack fiend feels when they finally realize they’ve gone from casual weekend user to full blown addict. Sucking dick behind a 7/11 for a couple rocks, finishing off the last of the lukewarm pot of free office coffee just to keep from falling asleep at your desk. Basically the exact same thing. I swear it’s a sickness, man. Word to all you young guns out there, you’re next. Go ahead and test your resolve. Go ahead and think you’re more of a man than I am, just know all you’re doing is rearranging chairs on the deck of the Titanic. Best to just accept that sooner or later you’ll be down in the depths with the rest of us, taking shots of espresso straight to the dome and posting pics of Saturday morning iced coffees online like the basic bitch you’ve become.


About Q-Ball

Owner, operator AKA The Commish. Q-Ball is that asshole at the office who refuses to brew a fresh pot of coffee. Not because he doesn't want to, he's just too embarrassed to admit that he doesn't know how.
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