Apparently Bengals TE Tyler Eifert Can Hit a Golf Ball Damn Near 400 Yards

eifert golf


That was quite a show you put on Sunday, Eifert. You were the talk of The League. Boy, you really crush that ball off the tee, I’ll tell you what. You know, you’d be something in one of those long drive contests. You could probably make a very good living. Traveling around, hustling the driving ranges… Thanks Phil.

Tyler Eifert and I are basically polar opposites on the golf course. He’s like the Dali Lama. Big hitter, can’t put for shit. Me, I’ll be lucky to hit anything other than a low screamer from blacks, but get me anywhere 150 yards and in and I look like Nicklaus in his prime. Bet we’d make the perfect scramble team. Ty going long off the tee and me chipping like Tiger at the ’05 Masters

Now because I’m such a nice guy, I’m gonna let you in on a little secret. That’s how to convince people you’re good at golf. You don’t have to spend hours and hours at the range and on the practice green, just be good at one thing and only play in scrambles. Like I probably played golf six times this summer and every single outing was a scramble. No one remembers the 25 bad shots you hit, rather the 4 or 5 good shots that can win you a hole or two. Crush a bunch of long drives off the tee, everyone forgets those three puts. Sink a few 30 footers and the narrative is, Man, that Q-Ball really bailed us out back there. Kid sure can putt. Good guy, great golfer. So remember, unless you want people to think you’re some freak, sideshow clown only play in scrambles and master the art of becoming a golf course chameleon.

Now how about I just go eat some hay, I can make things out of clay, or lay by the bay, I just may! What’d ya say?

About Q-Ball

Owner, operator AKA The Commish. Q-Ball is that asshole at the office who refuses to brew a fresh pot of coffee. Not because he doesn't want to, he's just too embarrassed to admit that he doesn't know how.
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