FMK On TBT: Diva Edition

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This is the third FMK I’ve written so far and the first two seem to have been a pretty big hit, so I’m just going to keep riding that wave and see where these things go. Today’s FMK is brought to you courtesy of 101.1 The Wiz and yesterday’s Drive At Five segment. Host Young Stef posed an FMK trio of Rihanna, Rita Ora, and Mary J. Blige to guest and up and coming R&B singer Bryson Tiller (probably because they’re avid QCBL readers). Now I’m good with my girl Rita, I’m great with Rihanna, but Mary J. though? KILL KILL KILL and kill some more. Then when you’re finished with that kill her one more time just to make sure. Mary J isn’t even in the same stratosphere of hot as those other two plus I feel like she has a pretty shitty disposition almost exactly how she comes off in her Entourage cameos. So for arguments sake, instead of Mary J we’ll throw in, let’s say, Nicki Minaj. She’s a crazy hot diva bitch that seems to fit in with the other two. So same rules as last week. Rihanna, Rita Ora, Nicki Minaj. You gotta fuck one, marry one, kill one. Go.

F- Rihanna

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Fucking Rihanna might be the easiest decision in short lived history of QCBL’s FMK segments. RiRi is probably the sexiest girl alive right now and I’m not sure that’s even really up for debate. Girl is just dripping in sex. You know how some college coaches will talk about the first time they saw a can’t miss high school prospect and they just knew the kid was going to be a star? Well take on look at Rihanna and right away you automatically know she’s going to be a star in the sack. The type of girl that could probably break your dick off and hand it to you if she really wanted to. Scary hot, but I’m into that sort of thing.

M- Rita Ora

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Got to marry my girl Rita Ora here. I’m not sure why she hasn’t caught on here more in the States, probably because she’s a Brit and therefore just slightly more boring than her American counterparts, but I don’t care. I’m in love with Rita and I don’t care who knows it! Also I’m thinking I’m gonna be getting more of the golden years out of Rita than any of the other two. RiRi parties HARD and eventually that shit catches up to you. Not saying Rita doesn’t, but years and years of coke fueled sexcapades and wild Carnival parties will certainly take their toll. And Nicki? Well, let’s just say Nicki is probably going to age like a bowl of guacamole that’s been left in the fridge for a week. Just way too much going on there to maintain for decades and decades.

K- Nicki Minaj

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Sorry Nik. I hate hate HATE to say that I’m gonna have to kill Nicki Minaj, but there’s really no choice here. If this were any other FMK Nik would undoubtedly score an F or an M, but this time there’s some stiff competition and unfortunately my girl Nik is the odd girl out. If anything, I’m just gonna have to justify this as self-defense. Nik’s a hood bitch that would probably cut me if I got out of line and she also may or may not have that whole multiple personality thing going on with all those different weird voices and costumes she wears, so I’m just playing this one safe. Gotta take her out before she pulls a Karen from Goodfellas and tries to take me out.

Also she stuck by Meek during that whole Drake beef? C’mon, Nik. Such a bad look. Drop that scrub and move on. It’s what’s best for your career.

About Q-Ball

Owner, operator Queencitybeerleague.com. AKA The Commish. Q-Ball is that asshole at the office who refuses to brew a fresh pot of coffee. Not because he doesn't want to, he's just too embarrassed to admit that he doesn't know how.
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