Police apprehended the man and woman who they said robbed a PNC Bank in Oakley on Monday — but not until the Bonnie and Clyde-esque duo went to McDonald’s and bought a Happy Meal.
District 2 Police said the bank on Paxton Avenue was robbed at around 2 p.m. on Monday.
The two suspects handed a note to the bank teller demanding cash, police said. After they were handed the money, they changed clothes in a car and went to a nearby McDonald’s.
Because the robbery call came in during CPD’s shift change, police said 15 dayside officers and 15 nightside officers swarmed the area to apprehend the suspects.
The duo was arrested without incident and police said all money from the bank was accounted for — except the amount used to pay for the Happy Meal.
Remember when you were a kid playing little league sports and the parents always used to take you and the teammates out for a victory meal after a big win? Maybe you hit Skyline for a 3-way and a couple coneys, maybe you hit BDubs for a basket of wings, maybe you even tried to convince the cool dad to let you all go to Fricker’s for bikini night. Wherever you landed, rest assured that everyone was all fired up to celebrate camaraderie amongst friends, teammates, and the thrill of victory. So why give that up just because you’ve traded in your helmet and shoulder pads for a 9mm pistol and a scream mask? Is knocking over a bank not one of the most exhilarating feelings a human being can possibly experience? I’ve never ever robbed a bank but I’ve seen quite a few movies and I’ve got to believe the answer to that question is a resounding yes. So why not go grab a celebratory bite? I’m sure the endorphines and the adrenaline generated from a successful score are more than enough to work up a killer appetite. Nothing that a few McD’s cheeseburgers couldn’t solve, though. Little weird two grown ass adults would opt to go with a single Happy Meal, but hey, different strokes for different folks. Actually, that’s a lotta weird. Those motherfuckers are strapped with that Dillinger coin. At that point, I feel like you’re kind of obligated to do it up real big. I’m talking a couple Angus deluxes, maybe a few of those new buttermilk chicken sandwiches I still need to try, even get real bougie with it and throw in a couple milkshakes and McFlurry’s. Basically just go in there and order up all the expensive shit on the menu, then pay with one of those stolen Ben Franklin’s and watch the employees behind the counter lose their shit. Mangers getting their managers and what not. You know what I’m talking about.
Also I felt the need to add that this PNC and McDonald’s are literally two minutes away from my apartment. Like I drive past there literally every single day on the way to work or going in and out of Kroger and I’ve never seen anything like this pop off. By the time I rolled past on my way home from work today everything looked squared away so I didn’t get to see any of the aftermath or get a chance to ask anyone what went down. I guess I’ll just have to hit up that McD’s drive thru here real soon and ask one of the black ladies working the window what all happened. Then I’m guessing they’ll just suck their teeth at me and I’ll just drive away without pressing the issue. My whole hood is wilin’, B.