Looks Like We’re All Fucked Because Cincinnati Ranks As One Of the Worst Cities In the Country to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse



Cincinnati ranked among the seven worst place to live in the country during a zombie outbreak, according to a recently published survey on the site.

Trulia researcher Peter Black used data and maps that calculate each city’s number of cemeteries and proximity of those cemeteries to homes.

Here are the worst places to live if you want to survive a zombie outbreak:

1: Providence
2: Rhode Island
3: Nashville, Tennessee
3: Hartford, CT
4: Bridgeport, CT
5: Boston
6: Pittsburgh
7: Cincinnati
8: Atlanta
9: Indianapolis
10: Cleveland.

According to Black’s reporting, Cincinnati has 5.4 cemeteries per 50,000 residents. No. 1-ranked Providence has 11.5 per 50,000 by comparison.



Well, there you have it. The more you know, I suppose. Honestly, I’m cool with Cincinnati being one of the worst cities to survive in during the zombie apocalypse. Think about it, do you really want to have to deal with all that horseshit? You’ve seen Dawn of the Dead, the Walking Dead, I Am Legend, and the likes. Does that kind of post-apocalyptic world look like fun for you? I mean sure maybe at first it would feel kind of empowering to smash in a corpse’s skull with 34” Louisville Slugger or pick off a walker from 400 yards with an assault rifle, but do you really want to do that for the rest of your life? Do you really want to live in a world where you’re not sure where you’re next meal is coming from or you’re getting chased by hordes of cannibalistic survivors? Do you really want to live in a world where people probably don’t brush their teeth and there’s no Twitter or Queencitybeerleague.com? FUCK. THAT. It’s probably best to just bow out early anyway. Those suckers that try to hold out forever and then end up dying like three years later are just losers in the game of survival, but you can’t really lose if you just never show up to play the game in the first place. I’ll just cut my losses and go out like a man. And when I say “like a man” I really mean sitting on the couch watching TV or something because I’ll just be too lazy to care at that point.

PS- While I am glad that I know where we stand now when this whole end of days things happens, aren’t these studies kind of self-defeating? Like isn’t the worst place to survive any major city in general? You know, around millions of other people in close quarters where disease can spread like wildfire and all that stuff? If you really want to try to hack it in the zombie apocalypse wouldn’t you just go live in a cave out in the wilderness like those weirdos on that “Live Free Or Die Show?” Just fall off the grid completely? I think that’s the smart play here.

About Q-Ball

Owner, operator Queencitybeerleague.com. AKA The Commish. Q-Ball is that asshole at the office who refuses to brew a fresh pot of coffee. Not because he doesn't want to, he's just too embarrassed to admit that he doesn't know how.
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