The Kansas City Media Was Chomping At the Bit To Interview Johnny Cueto After His CG Victory Last Night and WHOOPS That’s Not Johnny Cueto



Now I know why celebrities are always hiring body doubles. You want to go out to the clubs and slip through the back door with some tranny model? Just send your doppelganger out front to deal with the paparazzi. Want to celebrate a 122 pitch complete game 2 hitter in the clubhouse with your teammates? Just have your brother who looks exactly like you stand outside the locker room with your jersey on and give the media the ol’ dipsey doo. Oldest trick in the book. In fairness, Johnny and Danillo do look exactly the same. Same haircut, same lineup, same voice (I’m not very cultured and only speak my native English language so everyone speaking in a different language sounds the same to me), same everything. I’m not sure if I’ve told this story on here before so bear with me, but when I was back in college I used to work at a local sporting goods store and one day Johnny Cueto and his crew (including who I now know was Danillo) came in looking to buy some weight equipment. At first I didn’t realize it was Cueto and co. because a.) This was back in the days of fat Johnny when he was hurt and out of shape so I kinda figured JC would be the last guy on Earth to come in and buy $900 worth of iron straight cash, and b.) I couldn’t tell if one of the guys in the store was a Major League pitcher or just two Dominican dudes who happen to look a lot alike. At the time I didn’t realize Johnny had a brother who looked just like him. After a minute or two I mustered up the stones to go say what’s up and chatted with Johnny for a couple minutes while he just sat there on a stationary bike and made his crew load up like a thousand pounds of weight into his car.

Moral of the story here is, I’d be remised if said that I hadn’t had a little bit of trouble distinguishing between Johnny Beisbol and his bro, and I’m a die hard Reds fan. I’m also not a member of the media and I figured it out in about 30 seconds, so if that’s your job to know who these people are then I don’t know, print some handouts or something with Johnny’s face plastered all over like the cops do when they give out those wanted posters. That should do the trick.

Easiest way to tell those two apart? Johnny is the one with a laser rocket arm and Danillo is the one whose hairline looks like Stevie Wonder’s.


About Q-Ball

Owner, operator AKA The Commish. Q-Ball is that asshole at the office who refuses to brew a fresh pot of coffee. Not because he doesn't want to, he's just too embarrassed to admit that he doesn't know how.
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