The City Just Blew Up a 1,600 Lb Pumpkin Because Why the Hell Not Blow Up a 1,600 Lb Pumpkin



There are two types of people on this planet: “Why” guys, and “why not” guys. “Why” guys always ask, “why do I have to do this, or why do I have to do that? What’s in it for me?” A “why guy” might think What’s the point of blowing up a pumpkin? It’s not like a dead, giant piece of fruit is going to make this world a better place. Not to mention that you probably have to get permits and explosives and someone could get seriously hurt. You’ve seen JPP’s hand. That thing is disgusting! Just constantly fretting and worrying about all the wrong things. Not a “why not” guy, though. A why not guy might think, why the fuck WOULDN’T I blow up this giant pumpkin? What other purpose does it serve? It’s not like we need that for food. We don’t need that thing to survive. There’s no such thing as famines anymore. Baseball is finished, the Bengals are 7-0, and Halloween is over. Come to think of it, being a “why not” guy myself, NOT blowing up a giant pumpkin is probably the irresponsible thing to do here. So if you happen to have a spare pumpkin or two lying around, run down to the fireworks store and get you some explosives and blow that thing to kingdom come. Don’t end up like JPP though. Seriously.*

*I know the JPP/explosives joke is the low hanging fruit here and I don’t want to be the guy that ends up killing that joke, but I feel like I’m obligated to throw that little warning in here because I’ll feel terrible if I start getting emails about you idiots losing fingers trying to blast pumpkins. That’s OK if you’re an NFL defensive end with guaranteed money, not OK if you’re a schmuck that has to type for a living.

About Q-Ball

Owner, operator AKA The Commish. Q-Ball is that asshole at the office who refuses to brew a fresh pot of coffee. Not because he doesn't want to, he's just too embarrassed to admit that he doesn't know how.
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