This is a tough blog to write for your boy. It’s tough because as you may or may not have figured out I fancy myself as big a Bengals fan as you’ll ever meet. Like I’m even wearing a Bengals sweatshirt as I type this, so as much as I want to get on board with this dude and say that it’s an awesome move to paint your house orange and black to show some support for the those undefeated boys in stripes, I just can’t come out and take that kind of stance in good faith. Painting your “bachelor pad” Bengals colors is lame, straight up. There’s really no other way to put it. First of all, I think we all need to be very honest with each other about what actually constitutes a real bachelor pad. A real bachelor pad is a nice little home or a baller apartment in a decent area of town that you maintain solely to impress the ladies. Keep the lawn nice and trim, take out the trash, make sure everything is clean, maybe score some of those faux paintings from Ikea that look expensive but they’re really not to hang up on the walls. You know, stuff that ladies will see and make them think you have your shit together. At least for a couple hours when you come back to your place after the bar. It’s like that scene in ’40 Year Old Virgin’ where Seth Rogen and Paul Rudd show up to Steve Carrell’s apartment right before the Ebay chick is about to come over and they have to get rid of all the action figures and stuff that chicks don’t like before she actually shows up. “You gotta see this place through the eyes of a woman” is the direct quote from the movie, I believe, and a 600 square foot, orange and black shack in Batavia, Ohio doesn’t really give off that “fuck me” vibe chicks are looking for. Quite the opposite, actually.