Good news, bad news.
Bad news is that the Bengals still lost on Monday. I can’t change that. I can’t hop in my time machine and go back a week and make sure everyone is lined up in a legal formation or run out there on the field and not drop those third down passes myself. What’s over is done.
But the good news is I figured out what exactly went wrong. It’s not the penalties or the drops or the anemic offense or the lack of forced turnovers or just the sluggish nature of the team in general. No, I’ve found the culprit. I’ve found the chick in the armor.
WHATARETHOOOOOSSSSEEEE!!!!! (Is that still a funny joke? No? Whatever). My main man Jeff Ruby tweeted this out from one of his joints earlier last week and I feel like the biggest idiot in the world for not catching on. Should have seen this loss coming from a mile away. Those aren’t 9-0 socks. Those socks don’t scream winner. Those socks scream slob, lazy, no attention to detail, three dropped passes. Those socks tell me everything I need to know about the Texans game. He we were all high and mighty, sitting pretty at 8-0 thinking that we were going to steamroll the 3-5 Texans at home on Monday night and they flat out caught us with our pants around our ankles. That can’t happen this week going into Arizona. I need more of this
We need to look sharp. We need to look fly. Leave the ankle socks at home, gentleman.
PS- I just want to be crystal clear that I’m not knocking the swoosh ankle socks. Nike ankle socks are like the most comfortable socks ever made, all soft and cushiony and stuff. Kinda feels like you’re walking on a cloud or your feet are covered in a bunch of small kittens like in that Hanes commercial. I’m just saying that you can’t wear the white Nike socks with a pair of fly dress kicks.