It’s the Triumphant Return Of FMK On (Not) TBT: Carl’s Jr. Commercial Chicks

carls jr


Sometimes after a long hiatus it’s best to hit the ground running, so no long winded into this time around. Instead, we’ll just start firing on all cylinders. Three Carl’s Jr. commercial chicks: Paris Hilton, Charlotte McKinney, Kate Upton. You know the rules. You gotta fuck one, marry one, kill one. Go.

F – Charlotte McKinney

Really CharMack was the impetus for the return of FMK on TBT because as you may or may not have seen Charlotte hit the Vegas strip the other day in a mind bending black dress looking like a crisp, clean, hundred dollar bill.

Some folks think it’s cool to hate on CharMack cause she’s your typical Sunshine State blonde with the fake Florida cans, but I want to make it abundantly clear that I am NOT one to get all up on my high horse.  Call her a one trick pony all you want, but that’s one pony I wouldn’t mind spending a night in Vegas with trying to figure out how to take off that Rubik’s cube of a dress.

M – Paris Hilton

I know the phrase “marry Paris Hilton” doesn’t exactly have the greatest ring to it when you say that out loud, but hear me out. As you probably know, one of the core principles of QCBL’s FMK on TBT segments is always marry for the money. You always, ALWAYS, marry for the money, and who has more money than Paris Hilton? I didn’t mean that like “who on this list has more money than Paris Hilton?” I mean that like, “who on Earth has more money than Paris Hilton?” And the answer, gentleman, is not a whole lot of people. Plus Paris got a boob job not too long ago and has looked prrreeettttyyyy noice in everything I’ve seen her do lately (including said Hardee’s commercial), so I wouldn’t say it’s beyond the realm of possibility that Paris is poised for a nice little Carson Palmer-esque career comeback. Not that she ever was or ever will be a mega star, but when you consider the family money, the good looks well into her thirties, and more Hilton HHonors points than you can shake a stick at, marrying Paris Hilton doesn’t sound so ridiculous after all.


K – Kate Upton

Kate Upton used to be what Charlotte McKinney is now, which is the hot, blonde, girl of the moment with the massive beefers, but now it’s pretty much widely recognized that Kate Upton is past her prime. Much like an NFL running back, Kate exploded onto the scene and had a couple monster years before regressing and essentially washing out at the tender age of 23. Not to mention she’s career cancer and since I haven’t even really started an actual ‘career’ yet, surely I don’t want to end up in the gutter taking shirtless selfies with Justin Verlander before I even have a chance to spread my wings. Sorry Kate, you best get to steppin’.

About Q-Ball

Owner, operator AKA The Commish. Q-Ball is that asshole at the office who refuses to brew a fresh pot of coffee. Not because he doesn't want to, he's just too embarrassed to admit that he doesn't know how.
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