The Zika Virus Is Officially Here In Ohio, Is This the End Of the World?


\Via- WLWT

COLUMBUS —Authorities in Ohio and Indiana say Zika virus has been found in residents returning from trips out of the country.

The Ohio Department of Health said two cases have been confirmed in the state. Ohio’s first case of the virus was in a traveler returning from Haiti, a 30-year-old Cuyahoga County woman.

Officials said a second case was confirmed in a 21-year-old Stark County man, also a traveler returning from Haiti. The cases are not linked, officials said.

The Indiana State Department of Health announced the first Indiana case in a non-pregnant resident who had also recently traveled to Haiti. The state did not immediately say where the person lived, but did say they did not require hospitalization.

“The risk of contracting Zika virus here in Indiana remains low, but we know that many residents are concerned,” State Health Commissioner Dr. Jerome Adams said in a news release. “We urge anyone visiting affected areas to take steps to avoid mosquito bites.”

The Zika virus is spreading rapidly through Latin America. Zika is suspected of causing a devastating birth defect – babies born with abnormally small heads – and pregnant Americans are urged to avoid travel to affected areas.

About 80 percent of those infected with the virus do not get sick. For those who do, it is usually a mild illness with symptoms including fever, rash, joint pain and red eyes.

Planning is underway for a Zika virus tabletop exercise to ensure Ohio’s preparedness at the local and state levels prior to the 2016 mosquito season, which runs from May to October, ODH said.




RED ALERT: Zika is here! I say again, Zika has infiltrated the perimeter! A fly is in the ointment. There’s a mouse in the kitchen. Shit has hit the fan. Seems like every six months or so we get another one of these infectious disease scares that threatens to wipe out the entire country. Bird flu is everywhere, the ebola pandemonium spread faster than Kanye’s buttcheeks when Amber Rose is in the bedroom, even the Black Plague was nipping at our heels early last year. Now it’s Zika’s turn. What is Zika? Fuck if I know. Normally I trust the CDC to fill us in on those kinds of things, but those dudes have bigger fish to fry like the entire population of Flint, Michigan, for example. I guess if you want something done, you gotta get it done yourself, so now that the Zika virus has finally made it to Ohio (I only care about diseases like this when they start hitting close to home), let’s look at this shit and figure out whether or not we’ll live to see the Bengals Super Bowl in 2017.

Zika virus is transmitted to people primarily through the bite of an infected Aedes species mosquito. Spread of the virus through blood transfusion and sexual contact have also been reported.

Good news bad news. Good news is it’s winter and any mosquitos should have died with your tiki torches about 4 months ago. Bad news is the whole sexy time transmission thing. Although I guess if your biggest fear before/during/after unprotected sex is a little cough and a headache you’re probably doing alright for yourself. Also you live a very boring life.

The most common symptoms of Zika are fever, rash, joint pain, or conjunctivitis (red eyes). Other common symptoms include muscle pain and headache. 

That’s it? That everything? Don’t get me wrong, any one of those symptoms for an extended period of time is the absolute worst, but when we’re dealing with a deadly disease you talk about a walk in the park. I’ve probably had at least one of those at any given period of time for about the last two years or so. Piece of cake.

Zika is suspected of causing a devastating birth defect – babies born with abnormally small heads – and pregnant Americans are urged to avoid travel to affected areas.

Boy, the good news just keeps piling up. Not only is it physically impossible for me to become pregnant, I was already born with an abnormally small head and it really isn’t even all that bad. Sometimes I have trouble finding hats that fit correctly but other than that it’s not a big deal.

About 80 percent of those infected with the virus do not get sick.

I’m no doctor, but I believe the rates for cancer and STD’s are far greater than that and I’ve managed to dodge those bullets so far. *Knocks on Wood*

FINAL ANALYSIS: Zika ain’t shit. I came in expecting something like the AIDS epidemic in the 80’s but from where I’m sitting it looks like we’re dealing with nothing more than the common cold- Unless you’re pregnant. Then that sucks, Zika is awful. Otherwise go ahead and continue to live your life as normal as possible, just be sure to wrap it up and load up on that OFF! spray and you should be fine.


About Q-Ball

Owner, operator AKA The Commish. Q-Ball is that asshole at the office who refuses to brew a fresh pot of coffee. Not because he doesn't want to, he's just too embarrassed to admit that he doesn't know how.
This entry was posted in News and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s