Bengals Offseason News and Notes: #bagsearch2016, Chad Johnson and the Pee Pee Bucket, Vontaze Burfict’s Appeal


#bagsearch2016 Is Officially Over

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I don’t know about you, but I sure slept like a baby last night. No tossing, no turning, no nightmares, no nothing. Just a deep, uninterrupted, Unisom powered sleep. Thought I was gonna be up all night,  I promised my wonderful neighbors the Dalton’s that I wouldn’t rest until those bags were located safe and sound, but thanks to this Robert fellow that sound you hear is all of Cincinnati letting out one big collective sigh of relief. Guess we owe Bobby a thank you, so from the bottom of my heart, thank you, Robert34783517. Your contribution to the 2017 championship season means more than you know. Road to Super Bowl LI starts now, on the side of a Dallas-Fort Worth highway.

Chad Johnson Is a Medical Visionary, Used to Soak His Ankles In Teammate’s Urine

See this is exactly why Chad Johnson–>Ochocinco–>Johnson is a Hall of Fame receiver. In addition to having more than 11,000 career yards (33rd all time. 10,000 yards should be the benchmark that automatically gets you in. Sort of like 3,000 hits or 500 home runs in baseball), Chad ushered in a new era in professional football. Before Ochocinco, what sort of athletes did you see all up on social media? Trick question. Those guys didn’t exist. Part of that is just the technology of the time, but Chad and T.O. were really the first football players to embrace social media and make it part of the game. Today, there isn’t an athlete in the country that doesn’t have some form of social media they endorse, so in that realm, Chad Johnson is a pioneer. I thought between the yards and the Twitter dot com thing that would be enough to get Chad to Canton, but I didn’t realize Chad was making waves in the field of medical advancement.

Quick story, back in ’09 I turned my ankle real bad landing on someone’s foot after a transition dunk (Ok, really it was a layup). Walked with a limp for like a month and to this day it still gets stiff and kind of clicks from time to time, so I guess I gotta soak that wheel in urine? Not exactly thrilled about that, but if a potential HOF receiver with some of the best feet I’ve ever seen says dipping your toes in a piss bucket works wonders then I guess I gotta dip my toes in a piss bucket.

NFL Continues to Be the Biggest Hypocrites Around, Upholds Vontaze Burfict Suspension 

As unpopular as this may sound, I’m not necessarily against the idea of a Tez suspension. Obviously I want Tez on the field as much as possible, but flags and fines for personal fouls clearly aren’t getting the message across so the next logical step would be a suspension. Three games is a bit much and some of the offenses he’s been fined for are questionable at best, but I get the reasoning behind the suspension. What I don’t get is how the fuck Derrick Brooks is the guy in charge of hearing the Tez’s appeal. That would be the same Derrick Brooks that did this…

Glad to see that the NFL is handling the Vontaze Burfict situation objectively. Appointing an appeals officer that was never responsible for delivering a helmet to helmet hit or injuring an opposing quarterback. But I guess that’s just the NFL in a nutshell.

Also correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe Derrick Brooks won a National Championship at Florida State, the same Florida State that produced Steelers linebacker Vince Williams who is best known for his desire to “paint boi’s on sight”

Glad to see Tez is getting his fair shake.

About Q-Ball

Owner, operator AKA The Commish. Q-Ball is that asshole at the office who refuses to brew a fresh pot of coffee. Not because he doesn't want to, he's just too embarrassed to admit that he doesn't know how.
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