Via- Page Six
Even if Leonardo DiCaprio fails to take home an Oscar for the sixth time, this year’s Academy Award gift bag is sure to perk him up.
The 2016 swag bag — worth a record $232,000 — includes a $55,000 trip to Israel, $45,000 worth of Audi A4 rentals and even a roll of Joseph’s Toiletries luxury toilet paper, valued at $275 each.
Also included is $300 in personalized M&Ms and a $1,900 Vampire Breast Lift — in which blood is drawn from the arm and inserted back into the breasts for a perkier cleavage.
Full list of gifts from The Wrap:
Haze Dual V3 Vaporizer ($249.99) My M&M’s ($300) Halo, Purely for Pets ($6,300) Explore Israel ($55,000) SilverCar ($45,000) Lizora ($31,200) Tribute ($125) Caolion ($134) Healing Saint by Dr. Jane 360 ($193) Walk Japan ($54,000) Alexi Seletzky, Celebrity Trainer ($900) Belldini ($300 +) Chocolatines ($35) Dandi Patch ($21) Delovery ($2,000) Farm Wife Style ($25) Fit Club TV “Ultimate Fitness Package” ($6,250) Gleener on the Go ($11.99) Golden Door ($4,800) Grand Hotel Excelsior Vittoria ($5,000) Grand Hotel Tremezzo ($5,000) Greenhill Winery & Vineyards ($39) Hydroxycut Gummies ($19.88) Jay Cardiello ($1,400) Joseph’s Toiletries ($275) Lat & Lo ($150) Memobottle ($47) Mezcal El Silencio ($75) Mission1 Clean Protein Bar ($5.64/box) Nuelle Fiera Arouser For Her ($250) Phantom Glass ($49.95-$59.95) Purely Inspired Organic Protein ($19.97) Rougle Maple ($99) Sedona Lace ($109.95) Signature Vodka ($70) Slimware ($29.95) Steamist ($5,060) Sundial Power Coating ($500) Tools by Gina ($250) Vampire Breast Lift ($1,900) Zekkle Edge ($125) 740 Park MD ($5,530)
Tough to call those gift bags useless when they just confirm everything we already thought about the Academy Awards. Oscar Sunday is just an excuse for the biggest stars on the planet to get dressed to the nines and party their tits off at one of the wildest and most secretive parties in existence (Will Smith’s house). We’ve all heard the stories of the Oscar’s after party. Pretty much the wildest and most exclusive party on Earth. Sitting through a 4 hour snoozefest complete with a lecture on all the world’s problems is just a small price to pay to attend basically the orgy scene from True Detective Season 2 but played out in real life. Leo’s probably gonna take his $250 vape and that gold statue and stick them places the vast majority of the people on the planet couldn’t even dream of. Olivia Munn is gonna make Aaron Rodgers go to town on her with that vibrator ‘til he cries and that 7 year old Tremblay kid is gonna be casing the joint trying to pilfer everyone’s $300 custom M&M’s. No reason to throw all sorts of extravagant shit in there like that unless you plan on using free shit to do crazy sex stuff at the Oscar’s after party. Think about like this. When you go to one of those stupid work Christmas parties with the white elephant gift exchange, you never really plan on using the scented candles and lavender bubble bath scent that came along with the cheap bottle of wine you stole from Cindy in accounting. Only way that gets busted out is when you head back to your date’s place and things start to get a little hot and heavy. Same thing here. You and I know DAMN well Sofia Vergara isn’t going to use a gift certificate for some experimental breast enhancement procedure on those chest puppies. Let’s not sit here and act like Tom Hardy would consider using Purely Inspired Organic Protein that retails for a cool $19.97 (the finest HGH for Sir Tom and those traps). Only way those Hydroxycut Gummies are making it out of the package is if Jason Sudekis and Olivia Wilde pop ten a piece and see if they can bang one out before all the blood rushes to their heads and they pass out. Fuck, I need to get famous, STAT.
PS- Of all those random throwaway gifts, far and away the most ridiculous present is that $55,000 vacation package to Israel. I know the Hollywood crowd is well known for taking weird, “let’s make a difference in the world” vacations, but Satan will be ice skating to work before anyone in their right mind would want to go vacation in the oldest warzone in human history. Hell, I don’t even venture over to the West Side of town, let alone West Bank. Guess I’m just not Jewish enough to understand this one.