The Ultimate Football Movie NFL Mock Draft, Round 1, Pick 2: Cleveland Browns

The Cleveland Browns are on the clock…

We’re five minutes in and Mel Kiper is firing on all cylinders, talking a million miles a minute. I’m legit scared for his cardiovascular health. Hair still looks great though.

The pick is in


*Jim Brown comes out on stage sporting his signature Dr. Evil suit and Kufi cap*

“With the second pick in the 2016 NFL Draft, the Cleveland Browns select, Frank Cushman, quarterback, Jerry McGuire.”

Two weeks ago, the Browns were an absolute shoe in to draft a quarterback in an effort to fill the void left by departing/slowly dying Johnny Manziel. Now with the signing of RGIII, the Browns could have gone a couple different directions with this pick. Do they stand by the perception that RGIII is just a stop gap between now and the time when their new QB is ready to start? Or does Hue Jackson place all his chips on RGIII’s surgically repaired knee and damaged psyche and take the best available player? For my money, if you’re going to take a QB here, I think you go with Cap Rooney from Any Given Sunday. The guy is a tough, proven winner with a big arm cut from that prototypical QB mold that still is the key to winning in the NFL, but that’s just this scout’s opinion. Remember we are talking about the Browns and if I had a nickel for every draft pick the Browns have screwed up I’d let you come hang out at my mansion in the Bahamas with me.

This year’s crop of QB’s is relatively deep and Cleveland could have opted to go with a Rooney or even a Willie Beaman or Joe Kane but those guys have had substance abuse and off field problems in the past and the scorned Browns fresh off of the Johnny Manziel saga want no part of that again, so in comes Cushman. Cush will likely start the season holding a clipboard next to Hue Jackson, but RGIII’s leg will come clean off his body as a result of a violent hit from Steelers LB Ryan Shazier in week 13. Cush will have his chance to shine but finish the season 1-2 while finishing with some very paltry statistics. When 2017 rolls around, Cushman will finally get his chance as ‘The Guy’ under center in Cleveland and leads them to a blisteringly hot 5-1 start, however Cush and the Browns will hit a rough patch midway through the season and stumble to a 6-10 finish. Cleveland fans will turn up the heat under Hue Jackson and the front office and Cleveland will likely be in the market for another quarterback by the start of the 2018 season. Sorry Browns fans, I’m not picking on you, it’s just that at this point y’all need a football Messiah to resurrect the franchise and I’m sorry to say that Frank Cushman is not your football Messiah. Hey, it might be best for both parties. Let’s face it, Cush never wanted to play in Cleveland.

Player Comparison: Derek Carr

Best Case Scenario: Troy Aikman

Worst Case Scenario: Joey Harrington

Tomorrow the San Diego Chargers are on the clock. Stay tuned…

About Q-Ball

Owner, operator AKA The Commish. Q-Ball is that asshole at the office who refuses to brew a fresh pot of coffee. Not because he doesn't want to, he's just too embarrassed to admit that he doesn't know how.
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